The mere thought of this man, languishing within dark and cold prison walls bring tears to my eyes.

The mere mention of his name leaves a dull ache on my tongue. It is as though if I could utter one word, I would swallow his name, and in so doing, I would poison myself.

How was I responsible for this tragedy that has befallen this man? Surely, I as a member of this glorious nation must have in some way or another contributed to this man, wasting his brialiance and his talent behind those cold, prison bars?

All I did was make a cross against a white piece of paper carrying the symbol of  the world in balance. But the balance is only virtually true, a one dimensional warped amazing thought. In reality, the scale has tilted to an ultimate low, the lowest point being the cruelty of  two heinous crime 
that any court could inflict on a man, that of abuse of power and an impending sodomy charge.

Hell, I don't care what the judges think. I don't care what the AG thinks. I don't care what the prime minister thinks.  I don't even care if these thoughts of mine would be considered contempt of court. For even the courts are no longer worthy of my respect. Even judgements churned in courts I no 
longer revere nor find them binding or just. So don't talk to me about contempt of court when I find the greatest contempt is the harshest truth of being called Malaysian, is being witness to this cruelty, day after day, months after months, and having no strength, no courage and no recourse to do anything but watch a man, once held high in esteem, reduce to nothing but a name, a history that has no past.

Where was I when this man was arrested  on 20 September 1998?

Where was I when he made his first court appearance after nine days of incommunicado detention?

Where was I when he emerged with visible signs of assault which the primie minister said was 'self-inflicted"?

He had been severely beaten around the neck, face and head while blindfolded and hancuffed, but where was I?

Where was I on 14 April 1999, when  this same man was found guilty of corrupt practises and sentenced to 6 years imprisonment?

Where was I in July 1999 when a second trial was opened against this man, who together with another man, now faces a charge of sodomy?

Where was I on 10 September 1999, when he was reported to suffer an excessive level of arsenic in his urine?

Where was I when the hospital stated that this man had developed "a number of medial problems" and the hospital was recommended to assess and follow up on the patient's health status?

There were countless moments when I was not there, when I could have been there but knew that I wouldn't.

I would be there, however, on Aug 4, together with hundreds of the reformasi crowd, to hear judgement made for or against my brother.

Whatever judgement made against him is a judgement made against me for I know my brother has been truly wronged.

I will be there to judge for myself the outcome of his judgement for whatever it is, it is more than just a judgement, this judgement provides great implications to the issue of judiciary and human rights of my country.

On Aug 4, there is nothing in this world that can keep me away from exercising my rights as citizen of this country to assembly peacefully outside the Federal Hight Court with other Malaysians of common understanding and love for my brother, Anwar Ibrahim.

Susan
3 August, 2000