Iama Hasbeeni is Hopping Mad

Iama Hasbeeni (pronounced "I Am A Has Been Ee") was hopping mad when our roving reporter met him to get his views on the future of UMNO in Malay politics.

"What does the opposition think?" fumed Hasbeeni as he fumbled with his Indonesian Kretek. "How dare they say UMNO is no longer relevant to the Malays?" "You think the Malays of today are like the Malays of before?" asked Hasbeeni.

"The Malays are no longer like frogs under the coconut shell" - a Malay proverb basically meaning a country bumpkin or someone unwise to the ways of the world. "We proved the opposition wrong," boasted Hasbeeni.

"When we organised the ‘Malays Will Always Be Lost In The World’ rally more than 3,000 people came. And they did not even drive there in their Mercedes Benzes and BMWs. They all came by bus. That’s how humble the Malays are."

Hasbeeni was the organiser of the ‘Malays Will Always Be Lost In The World’ rally where more than 3,000 people were bussed into the Merdeka Hall at the Putra World Trade Center for an afternoon of Mahathir bashing.

"UMNO is still strong," said Hasbeeni with clenched fist punching the sky "We are united. Maybe the UMNO Women are split. But that is quite normal for women. The Youth Wing, however, is still solid, though the Youth Leader may give an impression he is sometimes not too firm. But if required, he can still rise for the occasion".

"The opposition claims to be multi-racial. You think UMNO is also not multi-racial?"

"UMNO may be a Malay party. But who says UMNO is only for the Malays?" demanded Hasbeeni. "Our first Prime Minister had Siamese blood. The second was Bugis. The next was of Turkish descent. And, well…….you know what our present Prime Minister is."

"This means UMNO not only represents all the races but is international as well. We are better than Parti Keadilan, Parti Rakyat or PAS whose presidents are all real Malays."

"UMNO may not be perfect," added Hasbeeni. "But then who is? At the end of the day, the Malays must remember that UMNO is the only party they have. So they have to accept UMNO how imperfect it may be - with warts and all."

"What can the opposition do for the Malays? Just look at Terengganu. The minute the opposition took over the state we stopped their oil royalty and now they do not have any more money to develop the state."

"The Malays in Terengganu are all going to suffer," Hasbeeni chuckled as he pressed his cigarette against the sofa to put it out. "That will teach them. That will show them that only UMNO has the power to bring development to the people."

"The same thing happened in Kelantan," Hasbeeni smirked trying hard not to burst into laughter. "When the opposition took over that state we stopped giving them money so now they cannot even give the people clean water."

"The PM made a good joke about this." Hasbeeni was now roaring with laughter. "The PM said that, in Kelantan, when you open the taps, coffee comes out of it." Hasbeeni wiped the tears from his eyes brought on by the uncontrollable laughter. "And you know how many people die from cholera and other diseases every year because of the dirty water? And it’s all because the people voted for the opposition."

"You vote for opposition and you die!" Hasbeeni now could not contain himself as he rolled on the ground hitting his hands against the floor while croaking with laughter.

Hasbeeni soon regained his composure and, in a more solemn voice, revealed, "The Kelantan government asked the Federal government to lend them 600 million Ringgit. What for? So that they can give their people clean water? Why should we give them the money?"

"If we give them the money then the opposition will be in power forever. Like this, when too many people die from Cholera, the people will get fed up with the opposition and vote for UMNO the next election."

"Better we use the money for the F1 races. You know or not, the F1 races cost us 100 million Ringgit a year. With 600 million we can have six F1 races over six years." "We are smart," added Hasbeeni as he rapped his finger against his temple to indicate ‘cleverness’.

"Soon, either the Kelantan people vote for us or there will no longer be any voters left alive in Kelantan. Either way we will win."

"The people must be careful of the opposition," warned Hasbeeni. "You know or not, Anwar is an American agent. He works for the Jews who want to take over our country. The PM has warned us about this. How come the people still cannot believe this?"

"The PM already said the foreigners are jealous of our country’s success. They want to destroy our economy. That’s why we must kick the foreigners and all their dalangs (agents) out of the country."

"Anwar’s people are purposely trying to destroy our economy. They know if they hold demonstrations on the streets the foreigners will be scared and will not come to invest in Malaysia. If the foreigners don’t come to Malaysia then it will be very difficult for us. How to kick them out?"

"The opposition also accuse us of censoring the media. This is not true. We did not ban Asiaweek and the Far Eastern Economic Review. We just did not approve the last issues. This is not banning. Banning means they cannot come in anymore. They can still come in. Only they cannot be sold that’s all."

"We also do not control the anti-government Websites. You see, even after we arrest the Webmasters, we still allow the Websites to go on. We never close them down. We are fair. By right, after we arrest the Webmasters, they should stop all their activities. But we don’t stop them. We are a democratic country."

And on that note the interview ended as Hasbeeni took his 35th call on his cellphone in the 25 minutes our roving reporter spent with him.