Monday, 08-Dec-2003 9:07 AM

Ibrahim Ali: Prince of frogs, but certainly no Prince Charming

To become famous, you need to do either something very clever or something extremely outrageous. I admit, I find it very difficult to be clever all the time, so it becomes necessary to sometimes be outrageous -- and outrageous I am. I certainly did not earn my title “loose cannon” for nothing.

My favourite “role model” is the surrealist painter, Salvador Dali. Dali may not have been the best painter of his time, but he definitely became famous for his most outrageous antics. Only by the fact he had millions at his disposal allowed him to get away with whatever he wished.

The Rolling Stones, my favourite group, the famous Rhythm-N-Blues band from Mersey Side, is another example of extreme outrageousness. They would piss outside the hotel window onto those walking on the sidewalk and wreck the hotel room within a day of checking in, sometimes wrecking the entire floor. But they were the darlings of the rock scene and they always paid for the damage they caused, whatever the hotel chose to charge them, so they were tolerated and were in fact idolised for being “different”.

I have a sneaking suspicion my fellow Malay College Kuala Kangsar (MCKK) alma mater member, Hishamuddin Rais, would resent my claim to the title of “loose cannon” as he too shares the opinion that Malaysia is too small for two MCKK “Old Boy” loose cannons running around unchecked. Is it a coincidence we were both detained under the Internal Security Act (ISA) at the same time? I was told Malaysia enjoyed a short spell of tranquillity when we were temporary placed out of action, guests of the Malaysian Special Branch.

And we are not the only MCKK Old Boy loose cannons who have seen the inside of prison walls, and this is not including those who almost made it inside and were spared by the mere fact they would have been more trouble inside than outside.

MCKK, in living up to its tradition as the breeding ground of idiosyncrasies, has no shortage of loose cannons. Shahrir Samad, the “Bad Boy” of Johor Bharu, is one such example. It is reported he once told a flabbergasted Dr Mahathir Mohamad during an Umno Supreme Council meeting that the only way to save Umno would be for him (Mahathir) to resign. And resign Mahathir did.

Then we have one-time High Court Judge Tan Sri Azmi Kamaruddin, brother to one-time Umno Youth Leader Suhaimi, the judge who dared commit the Cardinal Sin of ruling against Umno. Tan Sri Azmi and about half a dozen other judges were subsequently gantung (the Bahasa Malaysia word for “suspended”, which can also mean “hanged”) for his “sin” of defying Dr Mahathir. As the late Yassin Malek, another renowned MCKK Old Boy loose cannon said, “I was recovering in hospital from a heart ailment when I read in the papers that Tan Sri Azmi was gantung. Isn’t it ironical that a judge who normally gantung (hang) people got gantung (suspended) instead?”

Mokhtar Hashim, one-time Minister of Youth and Sports, is another infamous MCKK Old Boy loose cannon -- tried and sentenced to death by hanging for murder, commuted to life imprisonment, and eventually pardoned by the King. Mokhtar was arrested by the Police Chief then, Tun Hanif Omar, another MCKK Old Boy, and tried before Tan Sri Azmi. It was an “all in the family” affair, a purely Old Boy thing. I cannot remember which King it was who pardoned him as we have a new one every five years but I believe it was an “Old Boy” King.

Tun Hanif, now retired of course, can certainly also be regarded as another loose cannon by the fact he heads Malaysia’s only casino, Genting, and defiantly declared that, while the Koran may prohibit gambling, he is yet to find a verse in the Koran that forbids a Muslim from taking up an appointment as Chairman of a gambling conglomerate. I can understand the word “chairman” is absent from the Koran.

I am sure we all remember Rehman Rashid, another MCKK Old Boy, who was sacked from the New Straits Times (NST) for refusing to write his boss’ speech though this function was clearly stipulated in his letter of appointment. He believes, rightly so, in doing and writing what he wants, a la loose cannon, never mind it may work against the establishment, or against him. He would never compromise his principles for anyone, even if that someone were his Boss. Incidentally, his boss who sacked him is the famous Datuk Abdullah Ahmad, a.k.a. Dolah Kok Lanas, who himself was recently removed as the NST Chief for what the government alleges is his loose cannon tendencies -- and yes, another MCKK Old Boy.

And the list goes on. Renong, Proton, Sapura, Johor Water, the PLUS Highway, Genting, Time.com, the Pahang logging scandal -- you name the controversy or scandal, and you will invariably find the hand of an MCKK Old Boy loose cannon behind it. As any MCKK Old Boy will tell you, the MCKK is not about obtaining an education Old Chap. It is about developing contacts, grooming you to become a seasoned loose cannon, and about conditioning you to handle the many controversies you are going to face later on in life. Is it any wonder then that Anwar Ibrahim too is a product of MCKK? And certainly Anwar is the mother of all Malaysian controversies, a man Dr Mahathir would undeniably classify as a loose cannon.

But enough about MCKK loose cannons. Today’s piece is not about the MCKK. It is about being outrageous. In politics, as in show biz, one needs to be outrageous to become famous. In fact, one needs to also be radical, extreme, loud and controversial. And these are all things Ibrahim Ali is. Fortunately, Ibrahim Ali is not a product of MCKK, so we are spared the embarrassment of any association with him.

Ibrahim Ali, a.k.a. Katak (frog), is not called Katak because he is Prince Charming, but because he is able to leap from one political party to another like a frog leaping over water lilies. And he is also able to change positions faster than you can utter, “Croak, croak”. The Malays call him a man of dua alam (two worlds), truly an amphibious animal that can live both in water as well as on land. If Umno has its share of loose cannons, Ibrahim Ali would be it. If any Princess were to kiss Ibrahim Ali, she would probably change into a frog instead of him changing into a Prince.

In the recent Umno Kelantan reshuffle, Ibrahim Ali was dropped from the list and this infuriated him. He has done so much for Umno, he lamented, so he does not deserve this most abrupt forced retirement. And Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the newly installed Prime Minister, of all people should know what is that “so much” Ibrahim Ali has done.

In the tussle between “Team A” and “Team B” in the late 1980s, Ibrahim Ali was Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah’s campaign manager. Abdullah, then, was also in Razaleigh’s Team B that unsuccessfully tried to dislodge Dr Mahathir as Prime Minister. Ibrahim Ali is definitely a misinformation and disinformation expert. The only problem is, he misinformed and disinformed his own side resulting in them being dislodged from Umno instead.

I can die and be reborn but I will never rejoin Umno, swore Ibrahim Ali in his sumpah keramat (solemn oath). When Dr Mahathir, that Mamak (Indian Muslim) dies, I will piss on his grave, promised Ibrahim Ali. Then, before you can finish uttering, “Croak, croak”, he rejoins Umno and swears allegiance to Dr Mahathir. Then, with tears in his eyes, (toad tears mind you, not crocodile tears) he pleads with all and sundry not to defile Dr Mahathir who has done so much for this nation. Insult me all you want, said Ibrahim Ali, even call me a frog if you wish, but please do not say anything bad about Dr Mahathir for he does not deserve these insults.

Having Ibrahim Ali sing your praises is like getting a letter of endorsement from Osama Bin Ladin to support your visa application to the United States, something Abdullah Ahmad Badawi can do without.

Yes, Abdullah and Umno Kelantan are better off without the help of Ibrahim Ali. The biggest favour Ibrahim Ali can do Umno, the party he loves so much, is to join the Islamic Party of Malaysia (PAS) or the National Justice Party (keADILan). This will ensure that Kelantan, at last, will revert to Umno. As they say, one must take the bad with the good, warts and all. But Ibrahim Ali is all warts and nothing more. And it will certainly be very entertaining to watch how Ibrahim Ali punishes Umno come the next election for not recognising his contribution and service to God, King, Country and the Party.

RAJA PETRA KAMARUDIN